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Momsjewel
Hi and welcome to Adoption Adoptee Issues Member Pages. You are about to
meet...well... me, momsjewel. |
Hi, my name is Jill, most know
me as momsjewel. I am a 29 year old female, living in Missouri. My husband and I have been
together fifteen years and have three wonderful daughters. I am a reunited adoptee.
I decided to search for my birthfamily during the pregnancy of our third daughter. My
blood pressure went through the roof and I developed hypertension, a not uncommon but
definetly life threatening problem, both the myself and my unborn child.
After our daughter was born, I was lying in the
hospitol bed holding her, gazing at her perfectly formed little body and knew that once
before, somewhere there was a woman, my mother, who had done that very same thing with me
when I myself was born. I decided that I didn't want to leave this world without first
knowing how I had come into it. I felt the last little bit of anger that I had clung to
all the years before slowly start to fade away, then all at once it was gone. I felt no
more anger, only the need to know who I was, where I had come from and the most important,
had I been loved?
I called Luthern Social Service in Madison, Wi
and was directed to a woman named Judy. She was very kind and supportive,explaining the
procedure step by step. Once I received my paper work, I sat at my kitchen table for hours
trying to firgure out the perfect things to say. That is excatly how my husband found me
when he came home from work, sitting there at that kitchen table, tears streaming down my
face. I had come to the last question "In the even that your birthmother wants no
contact, list anything in particular that you would like her to know."
There was so much that I wanted to tell her, that I was
alive, that I had survived. That she was a grandmother three times over, that my children
were wonderful, that I myself was a wonderful person, a good person, a loving person. I
had so many questions that I wanted to ask. Who's eye color did I have? Where did I get my
ability to sing? And to write so well? Who had the bad ankles (I played all the sports
that girls were allowed to play and ALWAYS hurt my ankles. My chiropractor told me I had
inhereited bad ankles) But the most important questions, had I been loved? Had I been
wanted?
I wrote most of them, leaving out the two most important
questions that I had wanted to ask. It was approximatly two years later, the search had
been temporarily put on hold due to my husbands job. He's a nuclear decontamination
technition and frequently we would travel to the various nuclear plants around the USA, to
clean up raditaion spills and various contianment issues( trust me thats ANOTHER story and
ALOT of therapy!)
Anyway, we were in Russellvill Ark.when I called Judy, my
caseworker. I informed her that I knew that name of birthmother, that I had gotten it from
my mother ( my grandmother, God rest her soul, worked at the courthouse as a records
clerk. The courthouse had to transfer all their records onto mircofilm and assigned it to
my grandmother as her last act of duty. She figured screw em and when she came across my
adoption records and my two sisters adoption records, she wrote down the names of our
birthmothers, saving them for years, finally giving them to my mother when we were older.)
So as soon as Judy found out that I knew my birthmothers name, their search stepped into
high gear and voila, in about a week she called me to tell me that she had located my
birthmother and she was tickled to death that I had searched for them.
It's been three years since that day, but I like to go back to it
every once in awhile, just to remember how much I had feared. To remind myself that the
most precious things in life, the love of your friends and family, shouldn't ever be taken
for granted, ever.
Geez, now that I wrote a BOOK, (sorry guys!) I guess that
about explains me and my connection with the adoption triad. My goal now is to help those
that are still searching, the ones who are still lost, the ones who are still angry. I was
abused as a child, so I know anger and I know how it can destroy a person if they let it.
If you would like to email me, you can email me here. Thanks for reading and I wish you
the best in everything that God has to offer. |
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